You're not alone. Couples struggle with this all over the world.
As people try to compromise and make things work with their partners, siblings, parents, children, roommates, work colleagues and friends, I notice a very dangerous pattern:
People demand respect and support of their choice to stay obese and eat foods that lead to diabetes and cardiovascular disease, but when those who want to lose weight and get or stay healthy ask for the same courtesy, they're immediately faced with "sorry, you're on your own buddy". Or worse, they're being treated by society as if they're doing something wrong.
My husband may not have noticed it nor have intended it to be so, but he was straight sabotaging me. He would bring junk food at home "out of love" and he would get into a serious fight with me when I refused to eat them, even when I explained the science behind my decisions.
He would bring a bucket of ice cream to bed and constantly ask me to join him, even though I repeatedly mentioned that I'm already done with my food intake for the day, I'm fasting, or that the sugar in the ice cream makes me severely sick (irritability, migraines, heart palpitations and chest pains, skin reactions, triggering a binge etc).
He would yell on me for waking up early to workout (even though I'm quiet enough not to wake him up), for trying to build muscle to prevent sarcopenia from the surgical menopause (he even compared it to prostitution) and he would start a fight because I keep telling him that sugar makes our daughter's autism worse (and guess who has to deal with all of the constant screaming, hurting herself and others (her brother is terrified of her), banging her head on the floor until it bleeds just because my husband wanted her to have some gummy bears or ice cream or chocolate "out of love" for her).
He knew and has seen years of watching me getting constantly hospitalized from chronic diseases, so I thought he would be happy when I decided to do something about it, and even having a more attractive body for him as a bonus. But most importantly, to try and keep my daughter's autism's symptoms at bay (and I'm sorry, but if you don't think that autism should be treated or even prevented, then you are what's wrong with society).
I've seen many asking in forums about the same issue, with no proper solution. Half would say "dump her/him" the other half would be "it's her/his right to stay obese, if he/she wants to have the kitchen cupboards full of junk food, then let her/him have it and you just have some self-control".
Excuse me??? Would you say the same if the case was about alcohol, smoking or drugs? How about THEY have some self control and improve their health as a result too? Because some foods are just as bad and just as addictive and they DO KILL, with sometimes the slowest, torturous death you've ever seen. Some chronic diseases don't even have the option for reversal and you're stuck with that suffering for as long as you live.
After several months of trying to have a civilized conversation with what seemed to be a sugar junkie, I decided to take a very unpopular approach: dictatorship.
Every time my husband would bring junk food in the apartment, I would open it, destroy it, and throw it in the trash (after a week or 2 of seeing his money literally going down the drain and trash, he stopped bringing them).
Every time he would ask me to get sugar, biscuits, sodas or whatever else was unhealthy the next time I ordered groceries, I would respond with a "no" and that would be the end of it. I don't want to hear anything else.
I control what comes in, and what and how it gets cooked. I also deprived the kids permanently from any fast foods: no more Pizza Hut (we make a healthy version and even more delicious at home that costs only a 10th of what Pizza Hut charges), and no more McDonalds. If we are travelling, we'll buy fruits and nuts for the road, and choose a healthier place to eat (or cook at our AirBnB).
Everyone threw a fit, meltdowns and breakdowns just as it always happens with withdrawal. 2 weeks later, everyone was happy with only homecooked meals consisting of legumes, fruits and veggies, lean meat, fish, nuts and seeds, dairy and healthy grains (yes I still allow some healthy bread under certain conditions (organic ingredients, no added sugars, whole wheat etc), I'm a dictator, not a monster).
Most importantly, I never needed to be hospitalized again, both me my husband are healthier with great blood work results, and my children have been thriving, including my daughter who has experienced significant improvements in communication, behavior, learning, coping mechanisms etc.
If you want to compare me to Hitler just because I don't want my husband, our children and I to end up with all sorts of diseases and premature deaths, then so be it.
If treating and preventing disease with the combination of looking and feeling at your best while getting to live longer, isn't a good enough reason to join your significant other in their pursuit for better health, then I don't know what is.
And if you don't support them in the most important decision of their lives that just might prevent a future stroke or a heart attack or being in constant suffering with diabetes, fatty liver etc, then WHEN are you gonna support them? What kind of a partner (or an adult) are you if you can't give up on cookies for your spouse's sake?
I guess the saying "I love you so much I'd die for you" only applies to the person who wants to be healthy but can't because their love of their life not only can't part with their chocolates, gumny bears and potato chips, but also ensures the environment around their partner stays an obesogenic one.